To be crashed into, or to not be crashed into, driving in Central WI 3/...

What made me do it? My Mrs. Hawaii story.

What made me do it? Why did I send in a photo, fill out the app and apply to be in the Mrs. Hawaii International pageant?

It wasn't because I wanted to do what I had been told all my life I couldn't. Though I am like that. It wasn't cause I thought I was prettier or better than anyone else. And it wasn't cause I was brought up in the pageant industry. Far from it, well, somewhat far from it. I had cousins that were in pageants and such but my dad was against my sister and I being put on display for a pageant or commercials or anything of the like. I'm surprised my mom was even able to get us in the Christmas production at Melodyland, but maybe because it was a church event it wasn't so bad to him. He grew up in the show biz industry and participated against his will. He didn’t want to do the same thing to his kids. I understand and appreciate his concern, but when the kid wants to do it it's a whole different ball park. And it seems my sister and I really love the industry after all.
       (The the left an old pic of Melody land I found at - http://www.flickr.com/photos/68617016@N06/6773662856/ . To the right a pic of one of my dad's portfolio photos.)                                                  

But as far as pageants it was my sister that people would approach and ask if she did them or if she would and so on while I stood by agreeing but wondering how people could be so rude. I was proud of my sister and looked up to her so that wasn't the problem. It was just that it's simply rude to approach two girls (or people for that matter) and complement one while leaving the other completely out. I learned early that if I had a complement for someone and there was another with them I would either find a complement for both or I would just keep my mouth shut. I've always been good at learning through observation. It took me longer to learn that the way I feel about something may not be feelings others share. But I think this lesson was a good one all around. My sister went on not really noticing. She didn't notice I was left out, but she also didn't really take the complement seriously or to heart. So, she wasn't being rude to me, it was just something I think that she just didn't get. I didn't really understand until about a year ago that she didn't see her self as the all American beauty that so many people viewed her as. Though she was friendly and talkative and intelligent, she was insecure. A complement to me stood out to her far more significantly then a complement to her which she would manage to negate.

My dad was proud of my sisters high IQ and her beauty. He would try to make me feel better by saying that though she was pageant or model pretty, I was pretty too. I accepted the complement but though I didn't appear all that keen, inwardly I wasn't all that stupid, well, maybe in some ways, but I could put two and two together. This is the part where my mom likes to get offended cause I am saying something negative about my dad. But I didn't make it up and I am well aware that all parents, including myself, make mistakes. And one day my kids will have stories about me, and so forth and so on. She's gotten upset about it enough that I kind of cringe writing it again, but it's my story and I will tell my story. Being open and honest is what I am. I was actually sure I had this story written already but when I looked for it I couldn't find it. I must have included it in some other things I was writing and not just an isolated account or something. So, onward about how and why I became Mrs. Hawaii International 2008.

I was married to the Navy at the time and living in Honolulu. My then husband was deployed to Iraq instead of being on shore duty as was previously planned. I had thought the schools in Camden, Arkansas had the worst educational system but soon learned that the public school my kids were going too in Hawaii was just as much and maybe more disastrous. At some point when I still lived in Camden  I learned about the awesome school system near by in El Durado, Ar. I spoke with the school district manager there and learned that he had implemented the same concept as charter schools and every thing turned around for them for the better, much much very successful better. In my ignorance I though that maybe I could help the local public schools in Oahu by getting this information and sending it to the district. It hadn't taken me long to realize that talking to an individual school, such as the one my kids attended, wouldn't go over so well so I wrote the district. I got a thank you letter from them in return which I again mistakenly took as a good sign.

I was finding out more and more how much one voice is drowned out so easily so when I got the add in the mail for the Mrs. Internal pageantry that was platform based, the gears in my head started turning. I had seen the adds before but didn't pay attention to them. I often wished to put my kids in the kid pageants but couldn't afford the steep fees.  As for me I loved the idea of being in a pageant but I didn't think it was even remotely possible. But now that my wheals were turning, I reconsidered. I felt the need for a platform. I was so frustrated with the public education and not being able to do anything. I thought if there was some chance I could win then I could be heard and actually do some good.

I called the pageant office to ask some questions and request a packet and forms. Of course there was the worry of my weight. I put on a lot of weight during my first pregnancy and never lost it. I think I was about 180 lbs. They assured me that I should go ahead and apply and that many woman actually lose the weight pre actual pageant cause they get inspired and such.  And even if they didn't it was fine cause after all it was platform based. I was aware they would likely say anything to get their fees but I still wanted the chance to be heard. My other worry was the large fee which they explained could be easily raised through supporters.  The disappointing news they had for me what that the district manager for Hawaii had just left that year so there would be no official pageant but only pictures sent in, forms filled out phone interviews. They would then pick the winner by what they wrote in the form and the phone interview.

I did all the required stuff. I was honest and passionate in my phone interview.  After some time I got the call back that I had won and was now Mrs. Hawaii International 2008 and would would be competing in Chicago for the title of Mrs. International 2008. It was exciting to get my crown and sash in the mail along with the required very strange looking sports outfit for the Chicago pageants sports and health segment and the crazy looking black total sequined V cut tight mini dress with feathers on the bottom trim for the group dance number we would be performing. How I was gonna look ok in either of them was going to be challenging, but still exciting.

Preston was happy to learn of my success and had fun telling the other guys that his wife was Mrs. Hawaii. When he came home, although he was not supportive in any other area, he was supportive in trying to help me raise support and buying clothes that didn't look old and wore out. I had never been good at knowing what to wear but over the years it had gotten harder because he was constantly giving our money to our then church leader. Often I didn't have enough to get clothes for the kids let alone food, so shopping for myself was mostly out of the question. Even buying a simple shirt on sale for five bucks made me feel extremely guilty as if all our financial problems stemmed from my simple personal purchase. Having him home and willing as well as happy to get me clothes that looked nice was such a treat. Most of his purchases for me went on our Macy's card and he was fine with making the payments on it. When I shopped for myself I was habitually more careful and looked for discount places, with discounts. I considered my husband a sponsor until later when we did indeed divorce and I was left responsible for any accounts in my name. The Macy's card was in my name. I find it kinda funny now.


The local Jenny Craig office offered to sponsor my by giving me a free membership and charging me the same as their employees for the food. Their food is really good by the way, and their system works very well. I lost about 30 some pounds and looked and felt great. I loved how I had so much more energy with out the extra pounds. I also enjoyed being able to fit into more stylish clothes but was and still am disappointed that the clothing industry won't make the same cute trendy things for people over a certain size.

Things in my marriage were getting steadily more difficult. I am so blessed that I met the folks who I now consider family there and that they were my biggest supporters. Shirley and Sabrina and kids helped me financially physically and emotionally. I had made other friends but when things got rough they all went inside. There were a few others who stood by me like my friend Lisa and Carmen and the school PTA ladies were pretty cool too.

I had done a local TV interview by Chucky who had at one time was also my AVON distinct manager. I was interviewed about my platform and because I was a military wife that subject came up too. I brought up the fact that marriages are extremely challenged due to the long separations and such that the families have to endure. I talked about how there were marriage counseling services free of charge for military families and how before calling it quits they should give counseling a try. The interview was before Preston had come home from being overseas. I knew for a while that our marriage was difficult but I was brought up that divorce was not an option, it displeased God. After Preston was home for a while and things were sliding rapidly down hill I figured I would keep holding on for the time being till I knew better what to do.  Later after the pageant and still trying to hold on I insisted on going to marriage counseling. Preston wasn't thrilled with it but he came with me. I figured that since I encouraged others to do so I'd better do it at well. The rest is another story. On with the pageant.

Getting supporters was more than a notion. Being a sponsor was a good deal for companies. After all whoever sponsored me would get mentioned with their logo in my part of the official pageant book. Actually it could be even better than that. If they donated enough they could even get their own page. I thought it would be easier then it actually turned out to be. Paul Hayashi sponsored my by being my professional photographer. The Paul Mitchel Ulupono Academy sponsored me by doing my hair and make up for my photo shoots and events. My 'other' mom, Shirley, sponsored me in many ways as I mentioned earlier. There was a dress shop in the mall that would loan me dresses for events until one time they decided I got a tiny grass stain on one so they made me buy it and stopped loaning me dresses. They didn't get mentioned on my page. I think that's about it. There are so many pageants in Hawaii. Miss. America is really the only high profile one. Mrs. International is big in places like California and Alabama and so on but there are a few states that don't pay it any mind, like Hawaii. At one point I even called Mrs. Hawaii International 2007 to try to get some advise and help. She was upset hearing from me and very bitter about the pageant, she offered no help at all. I would have been happy to have just sat down for tea or coffee with her and talked about her experience but she had no interest in meeting me what so ever. Still I went all over Oahu trying to find sponsors and sometimes feeling like a fool.

I learned at the actual pageant that there are many states that are very supportive. Some of the contestants raised more then enough money and used the excess to purchase gifts for all the other contestants. But there were a few that were just as bad as Hawaii.

I really enjoyed the events I got to be a part of. I loved being a judge for two Miss. Hawaii Tropics competitions and a judge for a country western singing competition.  Because of the platform from the Mrs. International 2007 I learned about Heart Gallery and looked up the local branch. David Louis was in charge of the local heart Gallery and invited me to do some photo shoots for some of their events. He gave me a thank you gift basket and a copy of his book called Scars That Can Heal. I didn't read it for a year because of my own issues I was going through, I just wasn't ready to read it. But when I did I fell in love with his story and I wish everyone would read his book.

This whole time for me was smack dab in the middle of an extreme life crises. Not just with my crumpling marriage but I was on the verge of crumbling myself, my virtual floor was about to come completely out from under me and for some time I would find myself floating in an unknown limbo. It seems that this area of my life was full of extremes, extreme highs and extreme lows. As painful as it was going to get, it needed to happen so that I could create my own floor, my own foundation. Not one that others had decided was best for me, or best for them is more like it. But one I would put together myself and truly be me. So, it was in this beginning stage of limbo that I took off in a plane for Chicago.

The military owed Preston round trip plane tickets for each of us due to his reenlistment. He said I could use mine to fly to Chicago for the main event but that he couldn't afford for him and the kids to go at the time. I don't exactly remember why that was. Honestly I needed the time off. I had spent the last ten years taking care of our kids and all the churches kids. In the past if I had taken an hour or two to go shopping, which only happened less then a handful of times, our church leader would scold me for taking advantage of people and then preach about what I had done for the next three months. When Preston had come back from Iraq I did get to have a job for a while and go to the movies occasionally. But, I did so feeling guilty and worrying about the kids. I still felt a little guilty for leaving the kids for so long going to Chicago but I love the big city and I would get to stay with my Aunt Shirley and there was just so much to experience so I was also quite excited.

I spent the first few days in Chicago with my Aunt and Uncle in down town Chicago. My cousin was going to come up from the Carolina's to be my escort for the pageant since my husband couldn't make it. It turned out he couldn't come so my Aunt offered my Uncle which was wonderful. My Uncle Ralph is American born Japanese. He's been through some very historical and interesting experiences and is as sweet as they come. When the pageant held it's spouses orientation and dinner he attended. My Aunt and I still wonder exactly what took place because he won the hearts of the other gentlemen over. Many of the spouses went out of their way to meet me. I found it especially entertaining since some of them were the spouses of the most snobby contestants, yet despite their wives surprise and upset looks they still insisted on meeting the girl that Ralph was escorting. I just love a good under dog story and I seemed to have several in the bag.

Once signed into the pageant I stayed at the designated hotel with a lovely room mate. I loved all the activities, such as the conference, the orientation, the rehearsals and the tour of down town. I love the stage, though I get nervous, I still love the way it feels to be on stage. And the host was hot, lol!

There was a very official personal interview time with each of the judges separately. I had no problem relating to them and showing my passion for my platform. They were all very kind and understanding acting.

The dressing room was always entertaining. I had been designated to a dressing room with other fun and friendly folks. There were plenty of none friendly contestants there so I was happy to be among the  easy to get along with ones. Later a fellow dressing room partner told me how they were all jealous of me. I couldn't imagine why. The reason was because I had snacks I would munch on and they were all to worried about their weight.

I enjoyed doing the whole performance, well most of it. The odd exercise outfit was, well, odd. Apparently some of the woman were frustrated by their panty line showing so they oped to not wear their panties and from what I heard it was quite a sight for the first few rows.  The company fancy short-tight-v-neck dance dress was challenging. The inside slip was shorter then the actual dress but sewn to the bottom seam causing it to have bulging odd areas. Some folks quickly cut the slip from the bottom but then it hung out from underneath like some evil magic trick. There were some ladies who looked perfect in it but I suspect they had it altered previously. Most of us could barley get it on right but just hoped that there were enough of us on stage that it wouldn't be all that noticeable. Hoped! It didn't really bother me, I just found it entertaining and fun to giggle about. We also had to dance in that interesting scratchy dress. I found myself on the corner of a piece of a wooden platform with nothing but a two foot drop directly behind me. In the rehearsals I had just enough room to make the turns and such but in the actual event the lady standing next to me took her spot and half of my spot with no regard to anyone else. So I mostly totted around on my heals trying not to fall backwards off the platform. Apparently I did my onstage interview well and I didn't trip when I walked. Uncle Ralph was a graceful escort. 

At last it was time to hear the judges decisions. We all stood there in our pageant best waiting with breath held. Most if not all the women there had been in pageants before. Many of them knew each other from the multiple pageants they were in together and many had been in almost countless pageants prior. I knew my odds were bad, but I have that uncanny ability to keep a speck of a spot open in my brain for the next to impossible. First they announced the two runner up's and then the pageant winner and new Mrs. International 2008 was proclaimed. Of course the crowed cheered but I heard a lot of scoffing and irritated noised on stage with me. I couldn't help but be annoyed by the sore losers. It seemed we were all too old for that. However later I would learn there was more to the story.

The woman who won was exquisitely beautiful, kind of a Snow White kind of beauty to her. But, she was also the most outwardly snobbish of everyone there. The bad part about this is that the pageant is platformed based. Which means if you win you will represent your cause as a spokes person and you will represent the pageants cause, Go Red For Woman, as a spokesperson. Such display of snobbery is not a good attribute for being a successful relatable spokesperson.  I learned that there was a pattern in the selection. For instance, Mrs. International 2007 was known for her kindness. Her duties at the current pageant were to help MC and to place the crown on the winner. The previous to her reigning queen (2006) would be on the judges panel. Each year the previous queen would MC and the one previous to her would judge. That was the system. So, it happened to be that the selection was heavily influenced by what kind of person the two years prior queen was. So every other year, basically, a snob like type person was chosen and ever other year after that a kind hearted concerned citizen was chosen. To top off the aggravation for many, there were quite a few other contests (which also included prizes of money) which the same lady who won the title just happened to win as well. I think someone else may have actually won one of them but all the rest she took. It didn't make much sense to me. I think once the title is selected the person who wins ought to not be eligible for most of the other contests in order to give the other contestants a chance at some wins and some fun. After all, many of those woman had gone through a lot to be there, spent a ton of money and raised a ton of money and gave it all they had. Handing out some prizes to someone other then the crown winner just makes business sense. Maybe they have fixed that issue by now. I sure hope so.

After the show there was a ball for the contestants and their friends and family. Aunt Shirley and Uncle Ralph came for a little while. At one point while Uncle Ralph and I were on the dance floor my Aunt was chatting with a couple and mentioned some of what I call the “bad politics” of the show. She had been in the industry for years and knows her stuff. The folks she was chatting with agreed and added a few other points to hers. Later, to her surprise, she learned she had been chatting with the folks in charge of the pageant. I think they so easily understood her because she knows the language and was correct but also not condescending.

Looking back on this event and my reason for filling out that initial pageant form I have often felt foolish and embarrassed by my ignorance. I know I shouldn't feel that way because I was doing the best with what I did know and I was trying to do good. But, truthfully I was very ignorant, hands down! I remember later watching the movie called Waiting For Superman and thinking, “oh, that's why!”  That movie really opened my eyes. Now I can see why writing a letter to the school district was a vain maneuver. They likely saw anything associated with the words charter school as a major threat. Sadly that is a downfall of small mindedness. The man who implemented the Charter Schools idea in El Durado didn't cause his district to “lost out” to Charter Schools. Not that it is actually losing out but those who are in love with the teachers union may feel that way.  He implemented the idea without the schools actually becoming Charter Schools.  So he kept it all technically “normal” public school but very successfully improved upon the system. However, it is likely once the people in the Oahu school district saw the word Charter School they turned off their brains and hit 'reject'.

I believe now that the way to make a difference is to put in more Charter Schools if the not-so-good public schools aren't willing to improve. Which means there needs to be more support raised for Charter Schools so that some towns don't have to use the lottery system to pick which low income kid can attend. When we lived in Kalamazoo, Mi my kids got to go to the local Charter School. It was just assigned to them, it wasn't a lottery issue there.

I also believe that it will take citizens banding together to make the teachers union either change some of their policies or to disband it and come up with a new better improved union. I don't want to see teachers taken advantage of so they need that protection. But it seems in many instances the abusive “bad” teachers get protected with the current union. It would also take citizens banding together to initiate schools improving their system like the El Durado district. If they hadn't done it I wouldn’t have even thought it possible, but it is. And that was basically just one man with a great idea.

For those who are home-school advocates, not everyone can do that. For many, public schooling is the only option to no schooling at all. We are all affected by this. If you opt to home school or you don't have kids, you are still effected by the public school system. After all your leaders may have gone to public school, or the people serving you at the store, etc. they are every where. With a good education their chances of being good, honest people improves, they might even invent something you will just love using. They will, one way or another, affect you. So, there really isn't anyone who doesn't need to be concerned and active about the public education.

And that, my friends, is what made me do it! 

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 added note:
I had a lot of pictures in this but it just wouldn't work so am giving up...for now. Also once I was done writing this I found the old thing I had written before. Such is life!
I have a fan page for my Mrs. Hawaii time at - https://www.facebook.com/MrsHawaiiInternational2008LoriRevels.